He is not just a "Difficult Child" - Oppositional Defiant Disorder

I wanted to share one of the not so successful parts of Matthew's success story thus far in fighting Chiari. Due to the disruption in his developement between his 2nd and 3rd year of life, he missed the critical forming of something we take for granted, the art of reasoning and accepting authority. The text book definition of ODD:

"Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a diagnosed condition of negativistic, hostile and defiant behavior that includes symptoms of low frustration tolerance, argumentativeness, defiance, noncompliance, oppositionality, provocation, blaming, spitefulness, irritability, resentment, anger or vindictiveness. "

My son can be the sweetest, most thoughtful 7 year old, he frequently is given 2nd and 3rd grade level "busy" work in class because he finishes his work quickly. He is a bright and active little boy.

But when Matt is down, he is down. When Matt is not ready to accept the authority before him, the authority he calls Mommy and in some cases Teacher, it is a never ending battle to get through to him. I accept my challenges as a parent, noone ever said it would be easy and I never had a glorified view of being a Mommy, just enjoyed my little taste of heaven with the hugs and the great feeling when I have taught them something. With Matthew, I have to take each day as it comes. I never wanted to treat my children differently except to celebrate their uniqueness, that is something to be thankful for, they are all their own person. I have to handle Matthew differently, I have to be very cognitive of where he is emotionally throughout the day, focusing on the positive.

I believe in discipline, children need discipline. In my other children, discipline is truly a process. We recognize the behavior, we discuss what was wrong, there is punishment to fit and then we get back to living. For Matthew, discipline tends to start a downward spiral that does not end well. It is very tiring for myself, my husband, Matthew, really the entire family. I think in some ways I am as hard headed as Matthew in that I will not let an opportunity go by to break through just a small amount of that stubborn shell, to hopefully teach my son that authority is not a bad thing, we are here to help. Matthew knows and recognizes right and wrong however to be told that he was wrong is the struggle we go through, I can see it in his eyes, his face, he knows right from wrong, to get him to admit when he has done wrong is something else.

As our family matures, as Matthew grows, I look forward to working with other families affected by this "biproduct" of an early Chiari Malformation. This condition presents it's own set of challenges on top of those we face with children having a Chiari, sharing our life lessons will only further our ability as parents to bring our children up in a healthy manner.